Reflecting on Hope

Wow, what a wonderful Christmas! We had a blast! I just love to see my kids faces light up when they open a gift, especially one that they have been hoping for! I am just so blessed and thankful for ALL of God's blessings in my life. One blessing that I get to reflect on every year on Christmas,besides the birth of Christ, is Christmas of 2001. That year I learned so much about my God. His great love, compassion, and how I am able to trust HIM through it all. I learned that I was expecting, who would have been our 4th child, on Thanksgiving day 2001. A few weeks later I was told that my baby was "not developing properly"( that is how the dr. put it). That same week Ronnie totaled our car (not his fault), our dryer broke and Jacob,then 2 yrs, was hospitalized with RSV. Looking back I could only describe my life like a big storm. The storm was my circumstances and I was the ship at sea during it all, being tossed about but never cap sizing. That being ONLY because, though I didn't realize it then, God was the real captain of THIS ship! Over these 4 long weeks God was there guiding my through. He would give me his Word that became would I would hold on to because there was nothing else there to hold to. Two verses would be spoken to me over and over again( PS. 46:10 and Jer.29:11) I had NO idea why until....December 24,2001. I woke up that morning so excited the kids and I had big plans for the day. We were going to be wrapping presents making cookies and getting ready for Ronnie to come home from work so that we could visit family. Around 11 am I started bleeding. (I was almost 10 weeks pregnant) Terrified I went to lay down and called the dr. To say the least just like that all of our plans were over. And so were my dreams for this baby. Ronnie came home, took care of the kids and I laid in bed the rest of the evening hoping I would be saving this child. The next morning I went out to the living room with Ronnie and the kids to open presents but tried to lay low the rest of the day. Later the bleeding would pick up, and I would be told by the dr to come in the next morning.I still remember the conversations I had with God but I will never forget one thing I felt God tell me. " Hang on Rachel, just hold on to me I am doing something here!" Let me tell you I have never held tighter to anything or anyone else in all my life. He was all I had to hold to. He was the only one who could change it or get me through it. Well, He didn't change it,the next morning it was official, but He sure did bring me through it! Now every year as we remember the birth of Christ I also get to remember my baby and be reminded of all God has carried me through and know that God cares for us so deeply in spite of ourselves and no matter what happens around us like his word says in 2 Cor.4:8 we won't be destroyed or abandoned. That year God showed me Hope! Hope carried me. God's Hope! That is why we named that baby Hope. I am not sure what it will actually be like when we get to heaven, but I like to think that I will finally be able to hold that precious baby when I get there.